29 July 2020

Punchlines!!!

!!

1. I'm a nobody, nobody is
    perfect, and therefore I'm
    perfect.

2. I've got to sit down and
    work out where I stand.
 
3. If I save time, when do I
    get it back?
 
4. Where there's a will, I
     want to be in it.
 
5. I am free of all
    prejudices. I hate
    everyone equally.
 
6. Take my advice, I don't
     use it anyway.
 
7. The statement below is
     true. 
     The statement above is
      false.
 
8. As I said before, I never
    repeat myself.
 
9. Sometimes I need what
     only you can provide:
     your absence.
 
10. I wish there was a knob
      on the TV to turn up the
      intelligence. There's a
      knob called brightness,
      but it doesn't work.
 
11. A conscience does not
       prevent sin. It only
       prevents you from
       enjoying it.
 
12. If at first you don't
      succeed, skydiving is
      not for you.
 
13. War doesn't determine
       who's right. War
       determines who's left.
 
14. Best way to prevent
       hangover is to stay
       drunk.
 
15. Doesn't expecting the
       unexpected make the
       unexpected become the
       expected?
 
16. If your father is a poor
       man, it is your fate, but,
       if your father-in-law is a
       poor man, it's your
       stupidity.
 
17. I was born intelligent -
       education ruined me.
 
18. A bus station is where a
       bus stops. A train
       station is where train
       stops. On my desk, I
       have a work station...
       What more can I say
 
19. If it's true that we are
      here to help others, then,
      what exactly are the
      others here for?
 
20. Since light travels faster
       than sound, people
       appear bright until you
       hear them speak.
 
21. How come "abbreviated"
       is such a long word
 
22. Don’t frown. You never
       know who is falling in
       love with your smile.
 
23. The Best of Proverbs:
       Should women have
       children after 35?  No,
       35 children are enough
 
24. Living on Earth may be
       expensive... but it
       includes an annual free
       trip around the Sun.
 
25. Your future depends on
       your dreams So go to
       sleep!
 
26. ALCOHOL KILLS
       SLOWLY So what?
        who’s in a hurry?
 
27. Whom are you working
       for? Same people. My
       wife and kids
 
28. Can you do anything
       that other people can't?
       Sure, I can read my
       handwriting.
 
29. A drunk was hauled into
      court. 
      “Mister”, the judge began,  
     “you've been brought here
     for drinking.... “
     “Great”, the drunk exclaimed
     “When do we get started?

28 July 2020

గేట్లు మూసేస్తే సరిపోదు జగన్ భాయ్... వాస్తునూ వాడుకోవాలిగా... - Muchataగేట్లు మూసేస్తే సరిపోదు జగన్ భాయ్… వాస్తునూ వాడుకోవాలిగా…

By M S R ...July 28, 2020


…. అసలు జగన్ ఎప్పుడు మారతాడో ఏమో… అరె, మా చంద్రబాబు ఇంతగా చెబుతున్నాడు… మా రాధాకృష్ణ చెవిలో ఇల్లు కట్టుకుని పోరుతున్నాడు… మా టీవీ5 నాయుడు కూడా చెబుతూనే ఉన్నాడు… ఇంకెప్పుడు మారతాడు..? అబ్బే… ఇలాగైతే కష్టం బాసూ… పదుగురాడుమాట పాడియై ధర చెల్లు అన్నారు పెద్దలు… పది మందీ చెబితే వినాలి కదా… పోనీ, పాలనలో నీ గురువు అని భావించే కేసీయార్‌‌ను చూసైనా నేర్చుకోవాలి కదా… చూసి కూడా నేర్చుకోకపోతే ఏమనాలి అసలు..?

సరే, హైకోర్టు ప్రతి విషయంలోనూ అక్షింతలు వేస్తోంది… ప్రతి కేసులోనూ వ్యతిరేక తీర్పు వస్తోంది… దానికి కారణాలు ఏమిటో తెలిసి, సెట్ చేసుకోవాలి తప్ప… అయ్యో, హైకోర్టులో ఏమిటీ ఎదురు దెబ్బలు, సుప్రీంలోనూ తప్పని అక్షింతలు అనుకుని వాస్తు పండితులను ఆశ్రయిస్తే ఎలా…? సరే, వెళ్లావు, ఎవరి వాస్తు సలహాలు పాటించాలో మీ రాజగురువు స్వరూపుడిని అడిగావా..? అడగకపోతివి… ఆయనకేమో వాస్తు తెలియదాయె… ఎవరో ఒకరి పేరు చెప్పేవాడుగా… లేకపోతే ఏ రాజశ్యామల యాగమో చేయించేసి, మమ  అనిపించేవాడు కదా…

సరే, ఎవరో ఏదో చెప్పారు… అసలు ఉన్న దోషమల్లా నీ సచివాలయ భవనంలోనే ఉంది అని చెప్పాడు సరే… అది ఆయన చెప్పేది ఏముంది..? చినుకు కురిస్తే జలపాతం కనిపించే నీ పాత అసెంబ్లీ ఛాంబరే చెబుతోంది కదా సచివాలయం, అసెంబ్లీ భవనాలు ఫుల్ వాస్తు దోషపూరితమని… గేట్లు మూసెయ్, ఇక నరుడి దృష్టి తగ్గిపోతుంది అన్నాడే అనుకో ఆ వాస్తుసిద్ధాంతి… జస్ట్, అలా రెండు గేట్లు మూసేస్తే చాలా..? అసలు వాస్తు దోష నివారణ అంటే ఎలా ఉండాలి..? థింక్ బిగ్ బాసూ…

ముందుగా ఆ అసెంబ్లీ భవనమే సర్వారిష్టాలకూ మూలం అని ముద్రేయాలి ముందుగా… దోష సచివాలయం సకలపాప కారకం అని చెప్పాలి… చెప్పించాలి… దాన్ని గత పాత దుష్ట, నికృష్ట పాలనకు ప్రతీకగా సాక్షిలో నాలుగు పవర్ ఫుల్ వ్యాసాలు రాయించాలి… వీలయితే సాక్షి టీవీలో పదీపన్నెండు డిబేట్లు రన్ చేయాలి… అసెంబ్లీ, సచివాలయం వాస్తు బాగాలేకపోతే ప్రజలకు ఎంత అరిష్టమో ఎస్టాబ్లిష్ చేయాలి… ఆ తరువాత ఫైర్ ఎక్విప్‌మెంట్ బాగా లేదని, వెంటిలేషన్ సరిగ్గా లేదని, ఏదైనా ప్రమాదం జరిగితే గౌరవనీయులైన సభ్యులకు, అధికార్లకు, ప్రజకు ఎంత కష్టం అనే ఆందోళనను రేకెత్తించాలి…

అప్పుడు కూల్చివేతకు పూనుకోవాలి… దాన్నీ హైకోర్టు ఆపకుండా అగ్నిమాపకంలో అదెంత వరస్టో ఏ ఎక్స్‌పర్ట్ కమిటీతో రిపోర్టు తెప్పించాలి… రెండు వేల మంది పోలీసులను పెట్టాలి… మీడియాను దూరంగా ఉంచేయాలి… పైగా వారసత్వ కట్టడాలనే సెంటిమెంట్లు కూడా ఏమీలేవు… ఏ రేవంత్‌లాగే దాని కింద సొరంగం ఉంది, నేలమాళిగలో గుప్తనిధులు ఉన్నాయని కూడా చంద్రబాబు ఆరోపించడు, ఎందుకంటే కట్టింది తనే కాబట్టి…

సో, అప్పుడు కూల్చివేతలు స్టార్ట్ చేసి, వీలయితే ఓపూట రిపోర్టర్లను, ఫోటోగ్రాఫర్లను, వీడియోమెన్‌ను రెండు ఓపెన్ బిగ్ ఆటోల్లో కుక్కి, నియంత్రిత ఫోటోగ్రఫీకి ఆస్కారం కల్పించాలి… అంతే ఖేల్ ఖతం… కొత్త భవనాలు కడతాం అని చెప్పాలి… ఓ ముహూర్తం చూసుకుని, అబ్బే, ఇక్కడ ఏం కట్టినా వేస్టే అని చెప్పేసి, సచివాలయంతోపాటు అసెంబ్లీని కూడా విశాఖకే మార్చేయాలి… నవ్యాంధ్ర, స్వర్ణాంధ్రకు ప్రతీకగా ఓ కొత్త సమీకృత భవనాలు కడతాం అనాలి… కట్టడం స్టార్ట్ చేసేయాలి… ఎంతసేపూ ఆ శ్రీశైలం నీటిని తోడుకునే పోతిరెడ్డిపాడు పొక్క గురించి, రాయలసీమ లిఫ్టు గురించేనా..? ఇవీ కాస్త జాగ్రత్తగా ఆలోచించాలి కదా… అబ్బే, ఇంకా ఎప్పుడు మారతావ్ బాస్…?!

Editors in Modi’s India have two choices — speak up or give in to intellectual slavery

The press, which is the fourth pillar of Indian democracy, is not given the same status as the other three pillars today. Journalists have to make their choice.

28 July, 2020

Indian newspapers |
Sajid Ali/ThePrint


Can the press speak? If it does not speak, then is it still the press? But what does it speak? To whom does it speak? These were questions debated at a webinar organised recently by Newslaundry — that audacious news portal that dares call out the most imperious editors of our times. As the editor of The Shillong Times, I have to confess that for the first time in my dozen years of service to this 75-year-old newspaper, I feel a sense of bondage; of not being able to breathe the air of freedom guaranteed by Article 19(1)(a) of the Constitution that is destined to secure our freedoms for us.

Am I the only one who feels that I have to correct a phrase here and a sentence there lest it offends someone? There was a time when one could just shoot from the hips when it came to issues that hurt the public cause, of course, bearing in mind that well-rehearsed adage – ‘Your freedom ends where my nose begins’.

Why is the press, which is the fourth pillar of Indian democracy, not given the same status as the other three pillars – the legislature, executive and judiciary? Why are these three pillars today almost sacrosanct and beyond reproach? Why is the press being shown its place time and again by the three other pillars, especially by the executive and judiciary? What are we in the media doing wrong? Are we doing something we have not done before? Will someone point out our transgressions? And by someone, I mean a neutral third party with no vested interest in any of the four pillars.

The job of the press
Why should the press speak, and freely? The answer to this question was given long ago by US Supreme Court JusticeGeorge Sutherland who said, “For the saddest epitaph which can be carved in memory of a vanished liberty is that it was lost because its possessors failed to stretch forth a saving hand while yet there was time.” This is true of most of us today. We are appalled at the grovelling by a section of the media in India. The primetime panel discussions on TV are orchestrated to sing praises to the Narendra Modi government.

After the Emergency, when Indira Gandhi was defeated in the elections and the Janata Party government came to power,  L.K. Advani—who was the information and broadcasting minister at the time—admonished certain media persons and said to them, “When you were asked to bend, you crawled”.

The irony is that it is Advani’s party, the BJP, which is now drawing the boundaries within which media should operate.

We are deeply grateful to our readers & viewers for their time, trust and subscriptions.

Quality journalism is expensive and needs readers to pay for it. Your support will define our work and ThePrint’s future.

So, are we any better today? And yet we do nothing other than discussing these distasteful episodes amongst ourselves. Each one of us fears to call out these journalistic misdemeanours. So they continue happily, basking in the glory of those who hold the reins of governance today. They enjoy a privileged status because they oblige and brook no dissent against the status quo.

Then there are media houses with no revenue model other than an undue reliance on government and corporate advertisements. Well, the coronavirus pandemic has revealed some ugly facets — this model is unsustainable and not by a long shot. Hundreds of journalists have been laid off, some with not even a package that will see them through for the next six months. They lost their jobs just like that because the media barons never really delved deep into the model upon which their revenues were built. Yes, the pandemic has brought down that house of cards and publications from different cities have just winded up and staff let off. What happens to those voices from the periphery? Is India now going to be a country of a few top metros where only the lives of the metrosexual matter?

A long due correction
Why must the press speak? Is that a tough question to answer? Not if one is a disciple of the old school journalism. The press gives voice to the disempowered. At least that is what was drummed into our ears by seniors in the profession. The press should bring before the executive, legislature and judiciary the social, economic and political maladies that the ordinary citizens experience on a daily basis. It is expected that such reports would nudge the conscience of the three pillars of democracy and they would rush in to address those infirmities.

It worked for a while, that is until the Modi government stepped into the corridors of power and decided it was not going to be bothered by a vigilant, questioning, meddlesome media. Period.

So, who is now holding the legislature, executive and judiciary accountable? Well, a section of the media is still doing so, although it’s gasping for air. Conformity is the order of the day. If you don’t conform, you perish. It’s a hugely polarised world we are living in. It’s the Liberal Left versus Radical Right, and most of us are caught in the middle (minus the ideology except to continue to live our lives in some meaningful way, if that is possible). We continue to speak because we still cling to our dear lives and to Freedom of Speech and Expression or its much watered-down version.

There are so many virtues attached to our freedoms and yet, when we are now seeing up close and personal the rapid erosion of those freedoms and the complete politicisation of the law enforcing agencies investigating the Delhi riots, we are stunned into silence. Speaking up extracts a price, but it’s either that or intellectual slavery. The choice is ours.

Russian anarchist Michael Bakunin, in Federalism, Socialism and Anti-Theologian, aptly remarked that “Intellectual slavery, of whatever nature it may be, will always have as a natural result both political and social slavery”.

If at all we are to reclaim our intellectual freedom, then the press has to lead the way. We have a responsibility to correct the infirmities in the three supporting pillars even as we lend ourselves to correction. Yes, correction, not denunciation, because no single pillar of democracy should have overarching influence or control over the other.

The author is a journalist and editor of The Shillong Times. Views are personal.

News media is in a crisis & only you can fix it

You are reading this because you value good, intelligent and objective journalism. We thank you for your time and your trust.

You also know that the news media is facing an unprecedented crisis. It is likely that you are also hearing of the brutal layoffs and pay-cuts hitting the industry. There are many reasons why the media’s economics is broken. But a big one is that good people are not yet paying enough for good journalism.

We have a newsroom filled with talented young reporters. We also have the country’s most robust editing and fact-checking team, finest news photographers and video professionals. We are building India’s most ambitious and energetic news platform. And we aren’t even three yet.

At ThePrint, we invest in quality journalists. We pay them fairly and on time even in this difficult period. As you may have noticed, we do not flinch from spending whatever it takes to make sure our reporters reach where the story is. Our stellar coronavirus coverage is a good example. You can check some of it here.

This comes with a sizable cost. For us to continue bringing quality journalism, we need readers like you to pay for it. Because the advertising market is broken too.

If you think we deserve your support, do join us in this endeavour to strengthen fair, free, courageous, and questioning journalism, please click on the link below. Your support will define our journalism, and ThePrint’s future. It will take just a few seconds of your time.